October

It's that time again.

That time of year when everything falls into a rigid schedule & patterns seem to repeat themselves. It also seems to be a time for loss, love, and mixed emotions. Something of which, has certainly been collecting around here. Last year - October was a TERRIBLE month for me, a another friend. Shit just couldn't go right. And it's been that way for years. I'm just hoping that this time, that will change - the pattern won't repeat.

In less than ten days, I will be two decades old. (That's 20 for those who don't want to do that math.) However, I feel like I'm turning 45. I don't feel twenty, & I don't feel as young as I look. (Those close to me, know exactly what I'm talking about - those who don't...I'll leave you imagining.) And as this month hits, along with the full thrust of autumn, I'm feeling it. Time is moving much quicker now, and I'm feeling like it's time to focus on the more important things in life: Happiness, friends, family. I am not happy in school, a few relationships, or anything of that sort. And that lovely question of "should I drop out/take a year off" is becoming prominent again. I need to be doing things for me, and right now, I feel like I'm doing things for everyone else, BUT myself. I read an article last night posted by alicexz where she says:

"When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: 'If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right.' It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: 'If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?' And whenever the answer has been 'No' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something."

I agree. It's starting to become that time where I need to change something. Don't know exactly what, but changes need to happen. Maybe, come my birthday, and starting a new decade completely - will bring me the answer that I am looking for.

In the meantime, I will be catching up on my art (which I am behind on), catching up with assignments (that I'm behind on), getting a new video up on youtube, and (hopefully) catching up on the sleep, of which I know, I am lacking too much of. But I'm still here, for those wondering, & I hope to be getting some newer features out soon. Let school & October not eat me.



New Blog:
"It amazes me every day that there are those who are SO willing to WASTE their free time, creating a drama hell for those who only want to do good, have done nothing too them, because they are simply in SUCH a need for attention that they will do ANYTHING to get it. Including losing some of their own friends, to get that much needed spotlight." More at takesometimeandgetreal.blogspo…